Predictions for Kalani in 2017

The top psychics of Kalani recently had summit to discuss what they foresee for Kalani in 2017. Hundreds of predictions were made, but presented here are the top 13 that they all agreed on.

  1. 5Our former ED Richard and current ED Joel will design their own fashion lines: ‘TiTiRich’ and ‘TuTuTan’ to help with kitchen fundraiser. A little preview on the pictures.
  2. The new fashion lines will be very successful and we will have a beautiful new kitchen by the end of 2017
  3. Richard will be the subject of Michael Moore’s new film.
  4. fdghjChef Ted will get Honu Honu for being the most handsome man at Kalani.
  5. The pigs on campus will get organized and mount coordinated attacks on kitchen volunteers as they take the slop out.
  6. A new edition of In Touch… With Kalani will be out every other Monday…. or Wednesday. Or Saturday. Sometimes Friday.
  7. Scott will get jealous of Chef Ted for being more handsome than he is, but Chef Ted has the Honu Honu award to prove he is more handsome, so Scott finally just has to accept it.
  8. Barack Obama comes to Kalani to escape Trump’s America and lives in Sunshine’s van when Sunshine moves into an A-Frame. He volunteers in the kitchen, never misses Sasha’s lei making class, and slows the Monday Morning Meetings way down with long winded spontaneous witnesses.
  9. Tarah will visit with her newborn baby, and the baby will be abducted by a Punatic. lkjkhfcgdsgkjl;.jpgAn angry Crandall, Hell-bent for revenge, will hunt that Punatic down and threaten to destroy him if the baby is not returned, which the baby will be, unharmed and wearing a Bob Marley t-shirt. And Crandall will become everybody’s hero again.
  10. Jim will bring tears of joy to the eyes of all who witness his perfect hula performance on the lanai to celebrate his birthday. It is considered by all to be the most perfect hula ever danced in the modern age. Nobody will think to videotape it though, so the legend of it will be passed down through the generations in talk story only. Many will try to replicate the perfection of Jim’s birthday hula, but none ever will.
  11. Dougie I will win multiple Grammys for his debut album, and will record a live album in EMAX to thank all his Puna fans for making it all possible.
  12. A huge reservoir of oil will be discovered at Kalani Mauka. Kalani Kai will decide that Kalani Mauka needs “Freedom” and will send troops in.
  13. On July 12, 2017, the Kalani Database will become self-aware.



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