Who is Sasha really?

6You probably met Sasha, a beautiful peaceful and happy soul lounging around Kalani, telling stories, talking about Pele and other Hawaiian goddesses. You can find her chanting, picking up flowers, making beautiful leis or dancing hula. If you think Sasha is one of us you are wrong, but don’t worry, we thought the same for a long time until we discovered the truth.

Just like Pele, Sasha came to Hawaii on a boat, not from Tahiti but from Alaska. The island had been calling her for years. She dreamt about hula, and beautiful hawaiian land. But why was Hawai’i was calling her? Why does she always takes picture with a clear image of Pele and other gods in volcanic flames while nobody else can do this? There was something she was not telling us. We worked so hard and had to travel to Russia to discover the truth.

Sasha was  a Russian Tsaritsa, a daughter of Ivan IV aka Ivan the Terrible. He executed thousands and he was a cruel tyrant. He wanted to make Sasha his successor, but she was different. She wanted to be a good Tsaritsa and treat people with Aloha. Unfortunately she was not strong enough to  counter her father and she jumped from the palace tower hoping she can be re-born in Hawaii. She was re-born, but in Alaska instead. It was a punishment for giving up in Russia instead of standing up and fighting.

7She sailed in her canoe against the wind, she struggled just like Pele did, she was destroyed and reborn as Alekaneka, the goddess of lei on December 24, the day we celebrate as her birthday. Happy birthday, Sasha! Her mission became to spread as much Aloha as she could. How better to do this than to make leis and master Hula? And where better to make leis than to make them for the volunteers at Kalani? Where better to dance Hula than Kalani’s Open Mic? This of course has angered her earthly lineage, Ivan the Terrible IV, and every so often he implores the gods of weather to send lightning bolts at us to scare Sasha away and back to Russia, but Sasha does not give in. Even when Kalani’s transformers are exploding all around us from these attacks, Sasha stands her ground and refuses to give in, and for this we at Kalani are very fortunate. Mahalo, Sasha for choosing us for your Goddess Kingdom.

Why Sasha married a mortal?

8You are right now asking yourself, “If Sasha is an immortal goddess with so much power to create and to destroy, why is she married to a common, simple, mortal man like Jerry? Couldn’t she marry an immortal such as herself and together spread Aloha throughout the islands and the whole world?” The answer is, of course she could have.

But Jerry has something these immortal gods do not have, and that is a big truck. You see, in order to spread the sheer amount of Aloha Sasha has set out to spread, she needs lots and lots of ti leaves, flowers, and other such accoutrements of Aloha to make the thousands upon thousands of leis and skirts and birthday head gear and all that. How is she supposed to carry all these things around? Sure, she’s  immortal, but that doesn’t mean she’s a superhero with unlimited strength. She needs a truck for all that, and Jerry has one. Simple as that. She married Jerry for his truck. When asked, Jerry had this to say about being married to the Goddess of Lei’s, “All in all, I like it okay. She’s nice and all that. Yeah. It’s good.” As far as Goddesses go, Alekaneka is surprisingly humble,. Why is that? Don’t all gods and goddesses demand loyalty and offerings from their worshippers? Most of them do, but thanks to Jerry’s  influence and support. Aleklaneka doesn’t demand any praise, worship, prayers, or sacrifices from her followers. That’s because she gets all she needs of all those things from Jerry, who provides them happily. What a great guy Jerry is! So the next time you get a lei made by Sasha, be extra appreciative of it. It is no ordinary lei. It was made a genuine goddess. And thank Jerry too, because behind every great


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