Recently, we were in our editorial office eating ramen noodles after a long, stressful day while watching episodes of “Welcome Back Kotter” season seven on DVD that a former volunteer had sent us as part of a care package when a severely panicked volunteer came into our office screaming. We hit pause on the DVD and asked her “What is it?” When she got her wits about her, she said, “Rondi is Phil!” And then she collapsed and went into shock. We looked at each other and said in unison, “My God!” And rushed outside to see if we could make sense of that.
As we ran down the path, we encountered Phil. Except it wasn’t Phil. It was Rondi. But it wasn’t Rondi. It was Phil. But it was Rondi. We were so confused! In that one brief instant, everything we thought we knew about the universe collapsed around us and we didn’t even know ourselves anymore. Was I me? Or was I her? Was she me? If so, who was I? We needed answers, and we needed them fast before the paradigm of our existence completely imploded to reveal that none of us are who we think we are, that in reality; we are all just coqui frogs on the cosmic mantle of the ultraverse, far more significant than we ever imagined. “Wait right here!” We told her. Him. Them. They. We didn’t even know any more.
Our instincts took us to the lanai. And there was Rondi. But it wasn’t Rondi. It was Phil! But Phil wasn’t Rondi. Rondi was. So who was this? Was it Phil or was it Rondi? “What is going on!?!?” We screamed and held each other tight, morphing into one for a brief, eternal second. Then we had an idea, both of us together, a perfect thought formed in oneness- let’s take DNA samples and see if there is a clue! So we did. We managed to get a DNA sample from this being in a manner most displeasing, one that we would rather not talk about, and rushed to the one we left on the path. From this one, we also took a DNA sample in a similar manner and ran as fast as we could back to the editorial office, and into the back room that serves as our lab for just such purposes as examining DNA samples from volunteers, and we discovered the most incredible thing of our young lives!
Both DNA samples were identical! These two are the same person! Phil and Rondi are one! But there was more. And this is the part that freaked us out. There was something more to these samples- something not human. There were traces of Chaya trees! This can only mean one thing. Scott has something to do with this! We have reported more than once now about Scott’s experiments to cross breed volunteers with Chaya trees to create a race of self-sustaining super volunteers, but we were understandably baffled by the Phil/Rondi Rondi/Phil Them/They They/Them Her/Him Him/Her connection to this. Why is there Chaya tree DNA mixed with them? Do they represent a new breed of Chayumans? Should we expect to see them sprout leaves soon? In his experiments, did Scott somehow physically separate the yang (Angry Rainbow Phil) from the yin (Happy Rainbow Rondi) of one being to create two distinct beings? If so, why? To create different Chayumans for different tasks? We want answers! Scott has not been available for comment on this, so we are unable to offer any substantial conclusions. We will though, update you on this startling story as details emerge.
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