A Kalani Exclusive: New Guru Chosen for Kalani

We’ve been having volunteers coming to our office and reporting different gatherings happening at the solar shed but we didn’t pay attention. We all know there is a lot of going on at Kalani, people always get together and have fun. There was nothing suspicious about tech night, didgeridoo workshops or dome building. Pete, the initiator is a great member of our community; always willing to listen and help everyone who needs help. Our suspicion was aroused when he proposed an Awa Ceremony, drinking elixir made of awa root, an ancient Hawaiian ritual. Pete was never interested in Hawaiian culture … Continue reading A Kalani Exclusive: New Guru Chosen for Kalani

New Casanova in Town

As you might remember from our In Touch with Kalani ed.7, our Casanova Ryan left the community to start a Devil Workshop Cult on Molokai along with a former volunteer Sheldon. It was very peaceful for a while. No secret affairs, no broken hearts, no crying, no suicide attempts. Everybody seems to live in harmony and love. We wrote in our latest edition about a beautiful relationship of Mat and Crystal. We thought their love will last forever. Well, Mat likes challenges and Crystal was not a challenge for him anymore. Crystal was ready to propose to Mat when we … Continue reading New Casanova in Town

Trent is Special

Trent’s mom told him he was special. We wanted to know if that was true or not, so we followed him around to decide for ourselves. What we discovered is astounding! Everything his mom said is true. Trent is a very special boy!  Just how special is Trent? Read on and you will see. Trent cares about the landscaping crew and makes sure they always have gloves to wear, and he tells them to be sure to drink plenty of water, because if they don’t drink enough water, they will dehydrate and get sick, and that’s never any fun. Those … Continue reading Trent is Special

Mystery of The Missing Shoes Solved

Certainly you have heard the expression “To understand somebody, you must walk a mile in their shoes.” Somebody at the March open mic has taken this expression very seriously, and has been getting to know Ronnie, Jaime, and Joel very well as they are walking in their flip flops and sandals after having “exchanged” their own for theirs. This is fine, to an extent, but now they would like their footwear back. Especially Ronnie, who unlike Jaime and Joel who only lost cheap flip flops,  lost an expensive pair of hiking sandals in an exchange for  fall apart dollar store … Continue reading Mystery of The Missing Shoes Solved

Shocking Revelation about Phil and Rondi

Recently, we were  in our editorial office eating ramen noodles after a long, stressful day  while watching episodes of “Welcome Back Kotter”  season seven on DVD that a former volunteer had sent us as part of a care package when a severely panicked volunteer came into our office screaming. We hit pause on the DVD and asked her “What is it?” When she got her wits about her, she said, “Rondi is Phil!” And then she collapsed and went into shock. We looked at each other and said in unison, “My God!” And rushed outside to see if we could … Continue reading Shocking Revelation about Phil and Rondi

The Grave

The epitaph is simple. “R.I.P. Here lies the man who lost Scott’s machete.” That’s all it says. If you don’t know what we are talking about, take a walk out to the Permaculture area and you will see the grave. It’s the grave of an unknown volunteer, a volunteer who has paid the ultimate price for losing Scott’s machete. We all know Scott can be a demanding leader, even tyrannical when he has to be, but the mere presence of this grave tells us so much more about who Scott is as a man. It tells us that he will … Continue reading The Grave

In Touch with a different culture: Eva

Where is your country and what is the official language? I am from Germany, and we speak German, but we also have a lot of dialects, like Bayerisch, Schwaebisch, Ost Friesisch What is a traditional food from your country? I am from Bavaria and we have sausages with mustard and beer.  And all over Germany we have Wiener Schnitzel -it is like breaded cutlet, and Kartoffel Salat. Personally I am vegetarian and I  don’t eat typical German food. I prefer Mediterranean cuisine. What was the biggest culture shock you’ve experienced at Kalani? The fur coat landing and  boinng on my … Continue reading In Touch with a different culture: Eva

New Volunteer Program

We love rumors. And the latest rumor going around is that the volunteer program will disappear completely! For good! No more volunteers at Kalani! But don’t worry, we are here to clarify these rumors for you. We have some findings we want to share with you.   Well the truth is, as we wrote in In Touch ed.8, Scott is already working on experiments towards splicing human genes into the genetic structure of the Chaya tree in order to create Chayumans, a race of transgenic super volunteers that will replace our current human volunteers. Don’t worry, this is a long … Continue reading New Volunteer Program

Kalani in Style with Free Boutique Fashion

Inspired by the Kalani hand-me-down culture, pop fashion icon,/hip hop sensation Macklemore will be paying a visit to the Free Boutique this week to select pieces for his upcoming Thrift Shop Jungle line, as a followup to his #1 Billboard hit, Thrift Shop. Kalani veterans fondly remember the Free Boutique in its fledgling form, the Free Box- a modest and unassuming corner in the long since abandoned corridors of upper Hale 2. The Free Box has hosted its fair share of everything a volunteer could ask for, from half-used toiletries such as shampoo, toothpaste, foot fungal ointment and sunblock,  to … Continue reading Kalani in Style with Free Boutique Fashion