Has this ever happened to you? You are sitting through a meeting, but not the Monday Morning Meeting, because those are going perfectly now and everybody loves them, but maybe a department or managers meeting, and it is just going on and on and on, with people talking way too much, and you wish you had a gun, or maybe a cyanide capsule just to end your misery and escape this unending tedium? We have, and rather than whine about it, we decided to be proactive and innovate a solution, so we did research on it to see what successful … Continue reading Solution found to keeping meetings short

We don’t write about relationships that are obvious and easily spotted at Kalani. People holding hands, showing their affection publicly, post ‘in a relationship’ on Facebook, like Bodie and Amanda, Jenn and Chris or Trent and Nadia. We all know they are in a relationship; there is no secret, nothing to reveal. BORING. Our job is to bring out to the surface the hidden relationships, people who have secret relationships and they don’t want us to know about them. Don’t worry, we have our spies and we will reveal all the secret affairs for you. Crystal and Mat It was … Continue reading KALANI EXCLUSIVE: Secret affairs revealed!

The holidays have come and gone, and now we are well into the new year. It seems like everybody had a good time over Christmas and New Years, and that’s nice. There was a great Christmas dinner. The intuitive gift exchange was a hit. Despite the fire department crashing the party with their fire hose to douse the fire at the point, New Years Eve was a lot of fun. So, we’re glad everybody had a good time. For us though, it was a disappointment. If you remember from our last issue, we put out a call for an adulterer … Continue reading Ohana Night Ruined by Perfect People

Where is your country and what is the official language? Slovakia, not Slovenia. It is absolutely central of Europe. We speak Slovak. What is a traditional food from your country? Halušky- Dumplings, with cheese from sheep, and on top you can use sour cream and small pieces of bacon. It is very tasty. What was the biggest culture shock you’ve experienced at Kalani? Zora: Maybe this pool stuff, naked people walking, showing stuff. I wasn’t really shocked. I was surprised. Andrea: I was surprised by behavior. People are really polite. They say “hi” to you. They say “How are you?” … Continue reading In Touch with a different culture: Zora & Andrea

It’s sad to see our ohana leave. Though we will miss you all dearly, we know this is not ‘goodbye’ but rather ‘until we meet again’’ and look forward to the day we do! Mahalo for your aloha spirit! Safe travels and best to you all on your new adventures! Zoltan, Linsay, Kelliann, Joe, Peter, Andrea, Patrick, Zora, Andrea, Claire, Akiko, Jinsong, Lisa, Mel, Tarah. Continue reading A HUI HOU #10

Strange things happen all the time at Kalani, things that there is no apparent explanation for. We have become so use to this, that we don’t even notice them anymore, most of the time. Every so often though, something so out of the ordinary comes our way that we can’t help but to acknowledge them. Take for example, the recent discovery of a secret database running the operations of Kalani. Where does this database come from? Who (or what) is feeding it data? To where is the information it gathers sent? What is its power source, as it has no … Continue reading Joel Hatch: Kalani’s Friend or Foe?

You might think being in In Touch with Kalani is easy. You just need to fall through the ceiling, push another volunteer down the stairs, or get pregnant but it is not so easy. You actually need to bribe us! We love cookies, chocolate, ice cream, massages, watsu treatment and many more.  This is a secret and we want to share with you how other volunteers approached us to be in In Touch. Let’s take a Mama Dee for example. We all know she bakes the most delicious cookies on the earth and we love cookies. Mama Dee works overnight … Continue reading Behind the scenes ITWK.

You probably met Sasha, a beautiful peaceful and happy soul lounging around Kalani, telling stories, talking about Pele and other Hawaiian goddesses. You can find her chanting, picking up flowers, making beautiful leis or dancing hula. If you think Sasha is one of us you are wrong, but don’t worry, we thought the same for a long time until we discovered the truth. Just like Pele, Sasha came to Hawaii on a boat, not from Tahiti but from Alaska. The island had been calling her for years. She dreamt about hula, and beautiful hawaiian land. But why was Hawai’i was … Continue reading Who is Sasha really?

The top psychics of Kalani recently had summit to discuss what they foresee for Kalani in 2017. Hundreds of predictions were made, but presented here are the top 13 that they all agreed on. Our former ED Richard and current ED Joel will design their own fashion lines: ‘TiTiRich’ and ‘TuTuTan’ to help with kitchen fundraiser. A little preview on the pictures. The new fashion lines will be very successful and we will have a beautiful new kitchen by the end of 2017 Richard will be the subject of Michael Moore’s new film. Chef Ted will get Honu Honu for … Continue reading Predictions for Kalani in 2017

It seems like when you ask somebody if you may join them at a table on the lanai during mealtimes, you generally get one of two answers. Either, “Sure,”  which means yes. Or, “We’re about to have a meeting,” which means no. Variety is the spice of life, so here are suggestions of other ways to answer that question. Mind if I join you… It seems inevitable at this point. Fate brought you here for a reason. Let’s see what that’s all about. Trying to pretend you don’t see that person (heavy sigh) Sure. Your minds made up about this, … Continue reading Mind if I join you…