Ohana Night Speed Connection

Last week’s ohana night featured a clever take on the newest dating trend of speed dating. With a few changes to the original format, the event was deemed a success by the attendance of about 10 people (of whom about 6 were practically bullied to attend in the first place)!  Wow. 10 people??? Aren’t there like over a hundred of us? Only a whopping 10% showed??  The shame! We digress but hold the right to continue the scolding at a later date. Ohana night leader and planner, Clay-Clay painstakingly hand wrote a ridiculous number of questions on flash cards that … Continue reading Ohana Night Speed Connection

The New GM of Housekeeping!

He’s cute, he’s irresistible, all you want to do is pet him the minute your eyes lay on him and we assume he’s a he. His name is Haiku (yes, like the 5-7-5 syllable poem). Found abandoned by his clan wandering along the long and and treacherous road he was found crying, seeking help. The little guy was watched for a few hours to ensure mama and papa mongoose weren’t coming back for him before two community members took him in. Haiku’s charisma, charm and fierceness for alerting offenders to back off if they came on too strong quickly elevated … Continue reading The New GM of Housekeeping!

Bags of Water Appearing Site-wide: Natural Fly Traps or Conspiracy?

You no doubt have noticed them. Baggies of water hanging off each post on the lower lanai marked with an inscription “Fly Repel” along with a date. We are told that this natural form of fly repellent contains only water and little squares of what looks like aluminum (aluminum for those from the UK or Oz). How does it work? Some hypotheses exist: flies get freaked out by the warped view of themselves while doing a fly-by; the light refraction keeps them at bay. Regardless of how they work, we were interested in whether it was only water in those … Continue reading Bags of Water Appearing Site-wide: Natural Fly Traps or Conspiracy?

Ways Not to Be

Is this you? Do you leave your dirty dishes in Hale 2 or some other community space? Why do you do that? That’s obnoxious. Stop it. Bus your dishes. Every time you leave a dirty dish un-bussed, an angel falls out of Heaven and dies. Stop killing the angels. And what about just standing there in front of the coffee machine during peak times of coffee consumption? There was a time at Kalani when it was okay to punch people who do that. Thank goodness we have evolved beyond that to be a more civilized community, but still, there are … Continue reading Ways Not to Be

Ways to be Nice

Remember that feeling the last time somebody smiled at you? It felt kind of nice, didn’t it? Keep that in mind the next time you encounter somebody and flash them a nice, happy, friendly smile. It doesn’t cost anything and it will make them feel good. This is one thing that living in community is all about- creating happiness and harmony that will ripple outward and be felt by all. Don’t feel like smiling all the time? There are other nice things you can do as well. Share a beer or a bottle of wine. Brighten someone’s spirit with your … Continue reading Ways to be Nice

Meghan Loves You

Meghan is there for you. You know Meghan. She’s the beautiful black cat who spends her time on the lower lanai begging for food. Did you know that she is Kalani’s official support animal? She is registered with the Official ESA Registration of America, and is ready for your emotional needs. Had a rough shift and feel like nobody cares? Meghan cares. Why not relax at the lower lanai and scratch Meghan behind the ears? You will feel so much better as Meghan absorbs your pain. Had a spat with your boyfriend/girlfriend/whatever-friend? Haul Meghan up onto your lap and pet … Continue reading Meghan Loves You

Remains Found in Compost!

It was a day unlike any other when a couple of volunteers came across what looked like human remains in one of the compost piles. Scared out of their wits, the shaken volunteers reported directly to In Touch with Kalani. Why not to local authorities you may ask? What happens at Kalani STAYS at Kalani, that’s why! Luckily the two volunteers knew this little gem of information and avoided ending up in the compost pile themselves. We kid of course, just a little fun ‘mafia’ humor! Rest assured no mafia exists here (that we know of) but we were nonetheless … Continue reading Remains Found in Compost!

Legends of Kalani

Legend has it that there exists a place, deep in the jungle, where very few traverse. In this place surrounded by nature is a chair. There isn’t anything particularly interesting about the chair.  Simple, like many others, it’s covered with a towel and a small cushion.  But this chair, this space is respected. For only one person sits upon this chair. Others who try to sit upon it look nervously about them the entire time for the one who normally sits on it to arrive, and if that person does, those who were on it jump up, apologize for the … Continue reading Legends of Kalani

Lost and Found:

FOUND: one pair black panties. Seem to be in the style of a boyshort. Not 100% sure though since no one actually wants to touch them to find out for sure. Probably panties for a female, though males into crossdressing may also be interested in claiming them. Panties found on lower lanai, second tent from the kitchen, second pole from the end.  Have been there for the better part of two weeks. UPDATE: it was as if cosmically the owner of the pants/panties knew we were writing a bit about the unwelcome lower lanai decoration because hours after writing this … Continue reading Lost and Found: