A Hui Hou (Issue 7)

It’s a sad week to see our ohana leave. Though we will miss you all dearly, we know this is not ‘goodbye’ but rather ‘until we meet again’’ and look forward to the day we do! Mahalo for your aloha spirit! Safe travels and best to you all on your new adventures! Aloha to you Brian (Casanova), Sheldon, Baby Dee, Caroline, Rachel, Justine & Mike Continue reading A Hui Hou (Issue 7)

In Touch with a different culture: Caroline

Where is your country and what is the official language? My country is Switzerland in Europe, and we have three official languages: German, French, Italian and actually we have one more: Romansh, but only few people in the mountains knows it. What is a traditional food from your country? Switzerland is famous for the Fondue and Zueri Geschnetzeltes, which is meat cut into stripes with grinded potato, and you put it into pan and fry with butter on both sides. It is served with creamy sauce. What was the biggest culture shock you’ve experienced at Kalani? Well maybe not a … Continue reading In Touch with a different culture: Caroline

Traumatic Dwarfism Strikes Piglets

Several Kalani residents have noticed that the pigs, while already 6 months old, aren’t growing at the rate they should be. A local veterinarian was called in (really it was just a person who grew up next door to a pig farm, but close enough to a vet, right?) and their observations were startling! They noted seeing people foraging around on the ground next to the pigs trying to make contact with them; stated they saw people trying to lure the pigs in their tents with chocolates (can anyone say creepy??) and saw pigs running for their lives from the … Continue reading Traumatic Dwarfism Strikes Piglets

New Devil Retreat Center on Molokai

One day we were in the In Touch office, sipping Earl Grey tea, as we often do, when a panicked volunteer rushed in, her face flush with fear and confusion. “What’s going on!?!?” She screamed, grabbing us out of our chairs to drag us outside. “Look!” She cried pointing to Kalani’s Casanova carrying the Devil worshipping Sheldon on his back. “They’ve been doing that all day! Just running around all over the place. Why???” As soon as we calmed her down with a chocolate chip cookie, we decided the best way to get to the bottom of this bizarre behavior … Continue reading New Devil Retreat Center on Molokai

Kalani Problems

Hmmm… What should I do? Take a shower, eat a snack, go to the pool, walk to the beach, sit at the point, hang out in the art shed, go for a bike ride? Or do I want a nap? Oh, I don’t know. Which yoga should I go to: Restorative, Kundalini, Vinyasa, Yin? Should I go to Hula instead? I can’t pronounce anything on tonight’s dinner menu. I really want a coconut, but they’re too high up in the tree. That potato wasn’t a potato. It was a parsnip. I hate parsnips! A fire ant crawled into the hood … Continue reading Kalani Problems

Scott and Annalisa: Leaks from their Secret Meetings

It’s no secret that Scott and Annalisa have been secretly meeting in secret meetings to secretly discuss secrets. What is secret, or I should say, was secret, is what secrets they are secretly discussing. I say “was a secret” because thanks to a series of wikileaks on the subject, we have obtained the secret transcripts of these secret meetings. The truth is astounding. Only read further if have a strong disposition and you are sure you can handle the news of a paradigm shift to the social/work order of Kalani on such a monumental scale that the very existence of … Continue reading Scott and Annalisa: Leaks from their Secret Meetings

Shocking Discovery About Our Friendly Founder Richard

A witness said that he spotted Richard’s paintings next to a tiny tent on Kalani’s campsite. We got worried. Somebody stole his painting to decorate the campsite? Somebody purchased it?  We all know volunteers have no money. Whose campsite is it? We found no record of anyone living there. We decided to investigate. We hid in the bushes early in the morning to find out who lives there. We couldn’t believe what we’ve seen. How is it possible?! What was going on? We thought we saw a ghost. We know Halloween season is coming but it is still too early … Continue reading Shocking Discovery About Our Friendly Founder Richard

Meghan Needs Your Love

Much has changed since we reported that Meghan is the emotional support animal of Kalani. The volunteers have become much more emotionally stable and less in need of her service. So now- poor Meghan. She is in need of emotional support of her own. She has become the hungry hippo of Kalani, devouring snacks like a stoned teenager. She is so cute as she waddles around the lanai like a wounded Ninja in a jet black coat. But due to overeating and emotional distress from lackluster boredom, Meghan has personally told us she needs an intervention on her food addiction. … Continue reading Meghan Needs Your Love

Suspicious Departure of our Volunteer Office Leaders

Have you noticed for the past several months how mysterious John, Angela, and Tarah had been acting? We did. Something was obviously up with those three. Finally, the truth has surfaced. After eight years of dedicated leadership to Kalani in the kitchen, Guest Services, and finally as community manager, John Maestu has decided to leave Kalani. But why? The reasons he gave are so vague and unclear that he left us all wondering what exactly he meant by it. What exactly did he say? Something about needing to get to the mainland to feed his goldfish? Well, it turns out … Continue reading Suspicious Departure of our Volunteer Office Leaders

Top napping places by departments

Tired during your shift? Need a nap, but not sure where to take one? Presented here are the top napping spots per department:    Landscaping The bed of Squeaky provides amazing sleeping quarters. You can park it anywhere and sleep. For extra privacy, pull one of the tarps over you. You’ll sleep good. It is common practice for the landscaping team to pile weeds on a tarp to be dragged away. As soon as there is a good size pile, dig your way under them all. This is restful like you won’t even believe! If you are out on the … Continue reading Top napping places by departments