A HUI HOU (Issue 8)

It’s a sad week to see our ohana leave. Though we will miss you all dearly, we know this is not ‘goodbye’ but rather ‘until we meet again’’ and look forward to the day we do! Mahalo for your aloha spirit! Safe travels and best to you all on your new adventures! Aloha to you Ali, Jessica, Chris, Nayeem, Brian, Dova, Emma. Continue reading A HUI HOU (Issue 8)

In Touch with a different culture: Jinsong/Sean/Koa

Where is your country and what is the official language? I am from Beijing China. I speak Chinese and Mandarin. There are about 40-50 languages in China. What is a traditional food from your country? Almost every provenience, every area of China has different food, and also different Chinese festivals have a very specific traditional food, for example in middle Autumn we have a Moon Festival and  we have a  Moon Cake For Spring Festival, the Chinese New Year we have rice dumplings. So, yes, I would say dumplings. And if you go to Beijing most people know Beijing duck, … Continue reading In Touch with a different culture: Jinsong/Sean/Koa

Who Really is Jinsong R.?

It was a peaceful Monday morning, everybody gathered together for our weekly meeting, Sasha made beautiful leis for our arriving and departing volunteers. We were all expecting the meeting will go smoothly. Well that didn’t happened. As soon as the Volunteer Office happily announced there is no birthday this week, we heard from the crowd: no, no, wait! We have Jinsong’s birthday on Friday! Volunteer Office panicked. Birthday?! Impossible, how come? Mistake? We checked three times and there was no birthday in our DB for this week. Everybody started crying, and Jinsong was wailing. He didn‘t get his birthday lei … Continue reading Who Really is Jinsong R.?

I never break rules!

We all know Sunshine, a beautiful soul, always willing to help and never asking for anything in exchange, offering Watsu and not even asking for money, always smiling, just a perfect ohana member never breaking any rules. How true is this statement? We asked him one evening while talking about breaking rules. ‘I’ve never broken any rules’ said Sunshine. That made us think, how is that possible? We all know rules are meant to be broken and we were all there, but apparently not Sunshine. We decided to investigate this matter further. We hired a private detective who along with … Continue reading I never break rules!

Volunteer’s Mysterious Disappearance

A volunteer has gone missing. Where could she have gone? She never stopped by the volunteer office to say she was leaving. She didn’t tell her shift leader she wouldn’t be working anymore. She never got a goodbye lei. Witnesses say her tent was down and gone literally in minutes, and that armed members of the Aloha Patrol whisked her off property in an unmarked van with tinted windows and a bumper sticker that simply said “Pele’s Warriors.” Maybe you knew her. She worked in House Keeping. Her name was Chris. What’s going on? We were so freaked out by … Continue reading Volunteer’s Mysterious Disappearance

Tiki’s dark secret revealed!

Recently a very sad volunteer came into our office, crying and sniffling and shaking and convulsing in spasms of utter grief, despair and heartbreak. We gave him a tissue to blow his nose and a Snickers bar to cheer him up. When he was finally able to talk,we asked him what was wrong. “It’s Tiki,” he said. “I went to her hale, and she’s not there anymore. She’s gone! Tiki’s gone! Where’d she go? Why did she leave?” Then the tears started to flow once again. We finally got him soothed, and we promised to  investigate. We quickly mobilized our … Continue reading Tiki’s dark secret revealed!

Kalani miracles: Immaculate conception

Did you know that Tarah is seven months pregnant? She is. She’s been dressing so you would never notice, which is very clever of her. We were very surprised to learn this, and were reluctant to believe it at first. But when she revealed her full, ripe pregnant belly to us in our editorial office the other day, we became believers. Looking back, it makes sense. Pretty much all Tarah ever talks about are breast feeding do’s and don’ts, how cute and cuddly babies are, how amazing it must be to give birth, and how much fun it would be … Continue reading Kalani miracles: Immaculate conception

Chayumans Brains are Ready to Hatch

In our last issue, we warned you of Scott’s hideous and unthinkable experiments towards splicing human genes into the genetic structure of the Chaya tree in order to create a race of transgenic super volunteers.This of course will wipe out the social structure and volunteer dynamics that have fueled Kalani’s operations for over forty years now. People! It’s happening! This is real! The brains of the first wave of these  Chayumans have fully incubated. They are ready to be transplanted into the Chaya trees. Brace yourself, dear Kalani volunteers. The paradigm is about to shift. As these Chayumans acclimate and … Continue reading Chayumans Brains are Ready to Hatch

Kalani forgetfulness Syndrome

We all know how weird time can get around here. What is it about this place that messes up our heads and makes us forget what day it is? What time it is? What month, what week, what year? We didn’t realize just how bad this situation can get until we got the following letter from a clearly confused and lost to reality volunteer, slipped beneath the door of our editorial office one day while were out enjoying ice cream and listening to our favorite Harry Belafonte songs at Hale Aloha: Dear Editor, Ok What time is it ? Has … Continue reading Kalani forgetfulness Syndrome

BREAKING NEWS: Scott Laaback Dies at the meeting, Annie Revives Him

  Kalani is surely in debt to Annie, whose quick thinking, cool head, and amazing Reiki energy restored life to Permaculture Manager, Scott Laaback when he died at the Monday Morning Meeting on November 7, 2016. The cause of Scott’s death is unclear. Some say the excitement of the meeting was too much for him and his heart gave out. Others say he ate a bad Frittata at breakfast that morning. Some believe he was stung by one of his own bees at the Kalani beekeeping place. We will never know why Scott was legally dead for three long minutes, … Continue reading BREAKING NEWS: Scott Laaback Dies at the meeting, Annie Revives Him