Several Kalani residents have noticed that the pigs, while already 6 months old, aren’t growing at the rate they should be. A local veterinarian was called in (really it was just a person who grew up next door to a pig farm, but close enough to a vet, right?) and their observations were startling! They noted seeing people foraging around on the ground next to the pigs trying to make contact with them; stated they saw people trying to lure the pigs in their tents with chocolates (can anyone say creepy??) and saw pigs running for their lives from the jungle to escape people trekking through. It seems that due to those rather unsettling human encounters, the pigs are suffering from ‘traumatic dwarfism’ which stunts the growth of any mammal that has experienced truly terrible scenarios or situations. Teenage mom was also so accosted so much that she took matters into her own hooves and started to wear silent beads! Hhmmmm… Just for the record people, we are a FAKE gossip magazine! For those of you who actually took our above advice on ways to become one with the pig to heart, shame on you! Look what you’ve done!! You’ve freaked them out so bad they aren’t growing anymore! Tsk, tsk. Let this be a lesson to you. The shame!