Kalani miracles: Immaculate conception

tarahDid you know that Tarah is seven months pregnant? She is. She’s been dressing so you would never notice, which is very clever of her. We were very surprised to learn this, and were reluctant to believe it at first. But when she revealed her full, ripe pregnant belly to us in our editorial office the other day, we became believers.

Looking back, it makes sense. Pretty much all Tarah ever talks about are breast feeding do’s and don’ts, how cute and cuddly babies are, how amazing it must be to give birth, and how much fun it would be to dress up a baby in different outfits, like cowboy outfits and sailor uniforms.

But then we thought, wait a minute! Tarah is a lesbian. She’s not going to lay with a man.This leaves only two possibilities. It could be an in vitro pregnancy. Did she talk pop music sensation Dougie I into being a donor? We all know what a big fan of hisTarah is, the way she screams like a teenager at a Backstreet Boys concert and throws her bra on stage whenever he performs at open mic.

Or, it could be that the child gestating in Tarah’s stomach is an immaculate conception, just like Jesus was. We’ve spotted Tarah a number of times in deep prayer, and we asked her what she was praying for. She looked at us, her eyes deep and far away, and said, “Why, to be the mother of God’s child, of course.” Saint Tarah? The Virgin Tarah? We are not ruling out the possibility.

We of course wish Tarah all the best and hope she will post lots of baby pictures on Facebook. We bet that baby is going to be so cute!

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