New Volunteer Program

screen-shot-2017-02-10-at-9-20-49-pmWe love rumors. And the latest rumor going around is that the volunteer program will disappear completely! For good! No more volunteers at Kalani! But don’t worry, we are here to clarify these rumors for you. We have some findings we want to share with you.


Well the truth is, as we wrote in In Touch ed.8, Scott is already working on experiments towards splicing human genes into the genetic structure of the Chaya tree in order to create Chayumans, a race of transgenic super volunteers that will replace our current human volunteers. Don’t worry, this is a long term project and will not happen any time soon.


In the meantime, another experiment is going on. We discovered that the new volunteer program will put volunteers to work as soon as they leave the airport. This is already happening! Maintenance is our first experimental department. They came up with a brilliant idea to get volunteers to work as soon as possible and at the same time test their skills before they even enter Kalani’s secure gate. Here is how it works. We all know that we have many cars that need lots of love and attention. But Maintenance has only 18 volunteers and there is no time to play around and waste it on fixing cars. So they pick a car that drives but can make it only to Hilo and back to the Red Road. They send this car to pick up a new volunteer (in the meantime for their inspiration they pray a little so the car could make it that far). As soon as the car arrives at the airport and the new volunteer is picked up, the car magically breaks down. The driver usually has no idea of how to fix it and a new volunteer has no choice but to face the reality and to repair the car in order to make it to Kalani.screen-shot-2017-02-10-at-9-20-38-pm

In the meantime the driver tells scary stories about Big Island crime Night Marchers, and kidnappings to motivate the volunteer to work faster. And it works. Our first experimental volunteer, Ryan, passed the test already!
















Ryan was picked up in our 14 passenger van and on the way home the wheel exploded. Ryan didn’t think twice,  he immediately jumped in and changed the wheel in no time at all. Ryan is a perfect example of a volunteer we need. You might be thinking what happens if the volunteer is not able to fix the car? Well think about it. Do we really need volunteers who cannot fix something as simple as a car? Well, we don’t need them, but Pele does to keep her fire burning. Why do you think cars break down right before turning onto the red road? The truth is Kalani has a secret pact with Pele. She promised to protect us if we sacrifice a few volunteers once in awhile. She actually  really wanted Ryan because he is a very handsome and hardworking man but we wanted Ryan as well for the same reasons. The test was not easy, changing a wheel on the big white van full of luggages in the middle of a night  and with no access to real tools was very challenging. Pele promised that if Ryan can handle this task, we can keep him, If not she will keep him. Lucky for us, Ryan was up to the task. Sorry, Pele. Maybe you can have the next volunteer to show up, but Ryan is one volunteer you’re not getting!


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